How to find hope when all around people are losing it | Mumbai news

In my therapy sessions in the in the last few years I have been increasingly seeing young people primarily in the age group of 18 to 30 years tell me how they struggle with choices, and in turn decision making. A 23-year-old male client tells me, ‘I can’t even imagine living beyond 30 years and I know it sounds like a scary thought, but I don’t know if there is enough for me to hope, and to continue. As a result, I feel I am not investing in commitment, savings or even allowing myself to have dreams for my career growth. My friends seem to believe the same, and while we all joke about it, I feel it’s the bitter truth and it’s impacting all life choices.’

He’s not the only one. I have, by now, heard a similar narrative from clients across gender.

While other age groups also talk about feeling hopeless, it’s far more pronounced among the younger age group in therapy sessions. I see clients in their 40’s and 50’s who talk about longevity, how to build a good life while those in their 20s speak of struggling to find hope and belonging.

Their struggles are about difficulties in making choices about dating, social plans, career choices and sometimes even as minute as what to watch. A first step for young adults is to learn to trust their decision-making capabilities and to take accountability for those decisions. It’s a rite of passage that we have all been through on our way to becoming independent adults. But the young today are impacted by an increasingly turbulent and hence uncertain world which obfuscates clear choices. Issues like climate change, geo-political tensions all add to their feeling of disconnection and whether there is any point in long-term planning.

To add to this, global statistics point out that there has been a significant increase in perfectionism in young people, thanks to social media. This too impacts their capacity to decide. More and more young people are relying on parents, teachers and elders to help them make choices as they feel that will turn out perfect. The reality is that not making a choice too is a choice, and we can never be 100 percent sure of the choices anyone makes. Decision-making requires that we learn to be vulnerable and yet trust ourselves. Whether it’s at the school level or at home – allowing young people a chance to be autonomous, and teaching them to take failure in their stride will do them a world of good.

When it comes to schools, colleges, we need to develop safe spaces for them institutionally, create communities that allow young people to share concerns and which offer them connection and solidarity. Building resilience and hope – in the context of what we can do when it comes to making small, incremental changes is necessary for young adults. One of the biggest adulthood lessons is the recognition that life is a master class in ambiguity and one works with what one can control. Making decisions gathering evidence, building a support system, and then hoping that our decisions land–and if not then take accountability– and continue making more informed choices is the kindness we need to extend ourselves throughout life.